1 00:00:42,329 --> 00:00:44,439 Oh dearie me! l am losing again 2 00:00:46,650 --> 00:00:48,481 - Good evening all - Hello Sid 3 00:00:48,931 --> 00:00:50,521 - How you doing? - What? 4 00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:53,322 - How you doing? - Very much! l'll have a pint 5 00:00:53,892 --> 00:00:56,403 l said "how you doing" not "what you having?" 6 00:00:56,533 --> 00:00:58,913 - What? - Never mind! Come on 7 00:01:00,574 --> 00:01:02,364 Hello curly! What can l get you? 8 00:01:02,534 --> 00:01:06,566 - How about excited? - Congratulations 9 00:01:06,696 --> 00:01:09,206 You are the five hundredth person to say that tonight 10 00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:11,927 You win our star award, a beer mat 11 00:01:12,497 --> 00:01:16,168 - Thanks! A pint for Sid! - Thelma Ritter 12 00:01:16,298 --> 00:01:18,969 Thelma Ritter, eh? l'm Giovanni Cupello 13 00:01:19,419 --> 00:01:23,650 That is not her name! Thelma Ritter's a pint of bitter! 14 00:01:23,580 --> 00:01:27,251 - Cockney rhyming slang - Sure l remember 15 00:01:27,581 --> 00:01:28,892 42 pence! 16 00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:31,012 And a packet of assaulted peasnuts please! 17 00:01:34,583 --> 00:01:36,014 - Cheers - Thanks a lot 18 00:01:37,384 --> 00:01:40,215 - How is the Las Vegas kid doing, eh? - Terrible 19 00:01:42,666 --> 00:01:46,447 - You never win nothing on this machine - l tell you! lt's fixed 20 00:01:46,587 --> 00:01:48,497 Oh no, lady behind bar is telling me 21 00:01:48,627 --> 00:01:52,658 lt is nearly time for somebody to be winning the Jack in the pot 22 00:01:54,029 --> 00:01:54,939 l try again! 23 00:01:57,990 --> 00:01:59,660 But this time l am not looking! 24 00:02:01,311 --> 00:02:03,421 See l tell you, you not win nothing 25 00:02:05,152 --> 00:02:07,983 Yes but l am getting three bars! Look! 26 00:02:08,113 --> 00:02:10,383 lf l'm holding them, next time l will be winning 27 00:02:11,233 --> 00:02:13,184 You've already spent one pound 28 00:02:13,314 --> 00:02:16,855 Yes but if l am getting another bar, l will be collecting five pounds 29 00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:20,226 Oh dearie me! l am not having any more ten p's 30 00:02:20,636 --> 00:02:22,386 Could you be changing this please? 31 00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:24,587 Sorry Ali, l spent all my change 32 00:02:24,717 --> 00:02:27,388 - Max - l got any ten p's 33 00:02:27,518 --> 00:02:29,108 l'll be losing the jack in the pot 34 00:02:31,199 --> 00:02:32,509 Ah professori! 35 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:33,550 - Good evening - Good evening 36 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:37,621 - You want a Thelma Ritter? - Pardon? 37 00:02:37,561 --> 00:02:41,472 - Thelma Ritter, bitter - You've been talking to Sid the caretaker 38 00:02:42,562 --> 00:02:45,593 Sure, he's teaching me more of his cockeyned slanging rhyme 39 00:02:46,643 --> 00:02:49,154 - Cockney - Excuse me 40 00:02:49,284 --> 00:02:50,394 - Max! - Yes Mr. Brown 41 00:02:50,524 --> 00:02:52,555 lt's your point of interest! You have to remember what a cockney is 42 00:02:52,685 --> 00:02:56,516 Sure, lt's someone who was born near the sound of Bows Balls 43 00:02:58,526 --> 00:03:01,277 - Bells - Hockay 44 00:03:01,687 --> 00:03:03,198 - You want a drink? - No thanks 45 00:03:03,328 --> 00:03:05,999 - l just called for some cigarettes - Excuse me please Mr. Brown 46 00:03:06,129 --> 00:03:09,079 Would you be having any changes for a pound to be putting in machine? 47 00:03:09,209 --> 00:03:12,160 - You're wasting your money Ali - No l'm sure to be winning 48 00:03:12,290 --> 00:03:15,521 - l'm holding three bars - lt's your money! Let's have a look 49 00:03:15,971 --> 00:03:18,042 - Good evening everybodies - Good evening Ranjeet 50 00:03:18,172 --> 00:03:19,042 Excuse me! 51 00:03:23,333 --> 00:03:27,204 - What are you doing you damn fool? - l'm having a go on this machine 52 00:03:33,976 --> 00:03:35,927 l'm winning the Jackpot 53 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:37,607 That is my winnings 54 00:03:37,937 --> 00:03:41,558 How can it being your winnings? l am putting the money, 10 p. ln 55 00:03:41,698 --> 00:03:42,969 Here's your ten p. Back 56 00:03:43,739 --> 00:03:47,570 - Take your dirty hands off my money - lt is my money you bearded bandit 57 00:03:47,980 --> 00:03:50,331 Quiet the pair of you! Why don't you share the money? 58 00:03:50,741 --> 00:03:52,891 lt's a good idea! There's five of us 59 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,492 That's one pound each 60 00:03:56,622 --> 00:03:59,253 l mean between Ali and Ranjeet! Then you've both won 61 00:03:59,383 --> 00:04:01,944 - You are as wise as a Holy Guru - Thank you 62 00:04:02,624 --> 00:04:04,215 Actually, it's time you all go back to school 63 00:04:04,345 --> 00:04:07,015 lt's your exams tomorrow! You should be taking every opportunity to study 64 00:04:07,385 --> 00:04:09,216 - l know - Okay 65 00:04:10,266 --> 00:04:11,937 - We go - l go 66 00:04:12,427 --> 00:04:13,617 Come on Ali! You too 67 00:04:16,708 --> 00:04:18,098 - Waiter? - Pardon? 68 00:04:19,229 --> 00:04:21,259 A gin and tonic and a lager please 69 00:04:21,389 --> 00:04:22,500 l'm afraid you're making a mistake 70 00:04:23,310 --> 00:04:25,220 Don't be ridiculous! l know what l want 71 00:04:25,711 --> 00:04:28,541 A gin and tonic for me and a lager for my husband! He's just parking the car 72 00:04:28,951 --> 00:04:31,302 No, you don't understand! l'm a school teacher 73 00:04:32,192 --> 00:04:34,183 That's nothing to be ashamed of 74 00:04:34,993 --> 00:04:37,904 l think it's quite commendable 75 00:04:38,034 --> 00:04:41,575 That you should supplement your income by working in a public house 76 00:04:42,715 --> 00:04:44,346 Look Madam, l am not what you think l am 77 00:04:44,476 --> 00:04:46,546 And l am not interested in your personal problems! 78 00:04:46,996 --> 00:04:50,587 l just want a gin and tonic and a lager 79 00:04:50,717 --> 00:04:51,938 - Yes... - Now 80 00:04:52,078 --> 00:04:53,548 A gin and tonic and a lager 81 00:04:55,199 --> 00:04:57,629 - Good evening Mr. Brown - Hello Sid, how are you? 82 00:04:57,759 --> 00:04:58,950 l'll have a gold watch 83 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,460 - Pardon? - A scotch 84 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:02,951 l wasn't offering you a drink 85 00:05:03,081 --> 00:05:04,471 - You are? - Nevermind 86 00:05:04,601 --> 00:05:07,162 A scotch for Sid! 20 cigarettes for me 87 00:05:07,282 --> 00:05:09,633 And a gin and tonic and a lager for that lady over there 88 00:05:09,763 --> 00:05:10,673 She thinks l am a waiter 89 00:05:11,003 --> 00:05:13,304 - What? - She thinks l'm a waiter 90 00:05:14,004 --> 00:05:16,515 - How long have we been doing it? - What? 91 00:05:17,725 --> 00:05:21,116 - This waiting - l'm not! l'm not a waiter 92 00:05:21,246 --> 00:05:22,516 - You are? - Never mind 93 00:05:23,166 --> 00:05:24,957 One pound 60 please 94 00:05:25,087 --> 00:05:27,548 Well actually these drinks are for that lady and gentleman over there 95 00:05:27,688 --> 00:05:29,358 - They've still got to be paid for - Yes but... 96 00:05:29,488 --> 00:05:32,559 Never mind l'll pay for them and they can pay me later 97 00:05:33,369 --> 00:05:35,320 How much is it for the gin and tonic and the lager? 98 00:05:35,450 --> 00:05:37,440 - 72 - 72 99 00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:39,401 - Good health - Good health 100 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:48,163 There you are! 72 p. Please 101 00:05:48,293 --> 00:05:51,604 - Didn't l see you take a drink of my lager? - Yes, it was only a sip 102 00:05:51,734 --> 00:05:55,515 Oh yes l suppose you were tasting it to make sure it was fit to drink 103 00:05:55,655 --> 00:05:57,206 lt was purely accidental 104 00:05:57,336 --> 00:05:59,486 l've a good mind to report you to the brewery 105 00:05:59,656 --> 00:06:01,607 Frankly, l couldn't care less what you do 106 00:06:02,057 --> 00:06:04,648 Your attitude is typical of the working class mentality 107 00:06:04,778 --> 00:06:08,289 lt's people like you that are ruining the country! You're nothing but a peasant 108 00:06:08,419 --> 00:06:11,570 And you sir are a bourgeois snob! 72 p. Please 109 00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:15,571 l refuse to pay for a drink that has been contaminated by your lips 110 00:06:15,701 --> 00:06:16,611 l see 111 00:06:17,061 --> 00:06:19,012 All right don't pay for it! Have it on me! 112 00:06:19,662 --> 00:06:20,532 Here you go! 113 00:06:26,304 --> 00:06:27,414 Silence 114 00:06:28,344 --> 00:06:32,495 This is disgraceful! Ten minutes past seven and Mr. Brown has not arrived 115 00:06:32,706 --> 00:06:34,536 But you are mistaken! 116 00:06:34,666 --> 00:06:37,617 - He is here, isn't he Anna? - Ja 117 00:06:37,747 --> 00:06:40,308 - That's right! He's always early - Yes please 118 00:06:40,428 --> 00:06:44,579 Tonight, he was being so early that he was here ten minutes before he arrived 119 00:06:46,269 --> 00:06:50,701 - He's just gone out - Where has he gone out to? 120 00:06:50,991 --> 00:06:52,941 - Tea room - Toilet 121 00:06:53,631 --> 00:06:55,062 l beg your pardon! 122 00:06:55,192 --> 00:06:56,582 - Toilet - Tea room 123 00:06:57,632 --> 00:06:59,303 Would you like to try again? 124 00:06:59,433 --> 00:07:03,264 Vot they mean is, first he goest to tea room, then he goes to toilet 125 00:07:03,394 --> 00:07:04,944 Yeah 126 00:07:05,315 --> 00:07:07,065 Hello Miss Courtney, sorry l'm late 127 00:07:07,195 --> 00:07:08,986 - But you're not - Really? 128 00:07:09,116 --> 00:07:11,306 According to your students, you were here all the time 129 00:07:11,436 --> 00:07:14,707 - Oh yes well - And where exactly were you? 130 00:07:15,037 --> 00:07:17,418 - We told you, he... - l'm asking Mr. Brown 131 00:07:17,998 --> 00:07:20,229 - Well? - Ah yes... 132 00:07:28,721 --> 00:07:30,551 What is going on? 133 00:07:30,682 --> 00:07:32,152 l don't know, but from their sign language 134 00:07:32,282 --> 00:07:34,873 l think they're trying to say l was having a cup of tea in the toilet 135 00:07:36,243 --> 00:07:38,354 Actually Miss Courtney, l'll tell you the truth! l am late, and the reason is this! 136 00:07:38,484 --> 00:07:40,314 l'd just called to the pub opposite for some cigarettes 137 00:07:40,444 --> 00:07:43,675 l was mistaken for a waiter, bought two drinks for two people l'd never met before 138 00:07:43,805 --> 00:07:47,476 Was called a peasant and finished up by pouring a glass of lager over a man's head 139 00:07:47,606 --> 00:07:49,517 You're an even bigger liar than your students! 140 00:07:51,367 --> 00:07:54,758 l would have thought you'd have made an effort to be early this evening 141 00:07:54,688 --> 00:07:57,149 After all, it's your last chance to teach them something 142 00:07:57,289 --> 00:07:59,159 Before they take their exams tomorrow 143 00:07:59,289 --> 00:08:01,280 Yes, miss Courtney you're quite right as usual 144 00:08:01,410 --> 00:08:05,761 Not that l think any of them have the remotest chance of passing 145 00:08:08,292 --> 00:08:10,362 ln your places please 146 00:08:10,493 --> 00:08:13,483 - She thinks ve are stupid - l think she may have a point 147 00:08:13,613 --> 00:08:15,204 - Por favor - Yes Juan 148 00:08:15,654 --> 00:08:21,005 What you think about this exam? You think we pass? 149 00:08:21,135 --> 00:08:23,326 Do l think you'll pass? Juan, for the past 13 weeks, 150 00:08:23,456 --> 00:08:25,327 you've all been coming here to study 151 00:08:25,457 --> 00:08:27,647 13 weeks of hard work, diligence and application 152 00:08:27,777 --> 00:08:29,608 13 weeks of blood toil and sweat 153 00:08:29,738 --> 00:08:31,608 Slowly, little by little, you have improved 154 00:08:31,738 --> 00:08:33,689 When you sit down to take your examination tomorrow 155 00:08:33,819 --> 00:08:37,520 l will have no doubts whether you'll pass or not! You haven't a cat in hells chance! 156 00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,091 Quiet! 157 00:08:40,461 --> 00:08:42,971 Oh blimey, you are not giving us any confidence 158 00:08:43,102 --> 00:08:44,612 Maybe some of you may manage to scrape through 159 00:08:44,742 --> 00:08:46,612 But l shall be most surprised if you all pass 160 00:08:47,063 --> 00:08:49,623 l shall pass to plove supeliolity of lepubric of China 161 00:08:50,023 --> 00:08:52,014 Yes we'll see about that! 162 00:08:52,144 --> 00:08:55,055 ln the meantime, l want tonight to talk about the exam and afterwards 163 00:08:55,185 --> 00:08:57,566 lf any of you have any questions about any points you're not sure of 164 00:08:57,706 --> 00:08:59,656 They'll just ask and l'll do my best to answer them 165 00:09:00,186 --> 00:09:02,417 - Excuse me please - Not yet Taro 166 00:09:02,547 --> 00:09:03,607 l want to talk about the exam first 167 00:09:03,747 --> 00:09:05,898 - Then you can ask a question - Ah so 168 00:09:07,708 --> 00:09:11,139 Now the first thing is l shall not be taking you 169 00:09:11,629 --> 00:09:15,300 Excuse please Mr. Brown, where will you not be taking us to? 170 00:09:15,791 --> 00:09:18,701 l mean l shan't be here tomorrow when you take your exam 171 00:09:19,031 --> 00:09:22,902 Jelly good! We can be reading all the answers from our books 172 00:09:23,713 --> 00:09:27,104 - There will be somebody here - Oh dear 173 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:29,904 l am thinking l am going to be up a gummy tree 174 00:09:31,275 --> 00:09:33,065 ln any case, you're not supposed to cheat 175 00:09:33,195 --> 00:09:35,576 lt's customary for another teacher from another school 176 00:09:35,716 --> 00:09:37,306 To take an examination of this kind 177 00:09:38,237 --> 00:09:39,667 Excuse me please 178 00:09:39,797 --> 00:09:42,468 - Later Taro please - Ok 179 00:09:44,238 --> 00:09:47,669 When you take your examination, the lower Cambridge certificate is not too difficult 180 00:09:48,079 --> 00:09:50,310 The exam is divided into 3 parts 181 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:54,471 There will be an oral exam and a written one! Then comes dictation 182 00:09:54,601 --> 00:09:55,712 ls that his name? 183 00:09:57,402 --> 00:09:59,152 ls that who's name? 184 00:09:59,563 --> 00:10:05,034 The man who is going to be taking us to be doing the examination! Dick Tation 185 00:10:06,445 --> 00:10:10,636 Dictation is when a person reads something out aloud and another person copy it down 186 00:10:11,166 --> 00:10:13,466 Like a short fingered typist 187 00:10:15,047 --> 00:10:17,157 - Short hand typist - Yes please 188 00:10:17,768 --> 00:10:19,118 Excuse me please 189 00:10:19,248 --> 00:10:21,549 You can ask your question in a moment Taro 190 00:10:23,449 --> 00:10:26,800 When you've completed your examination, the papers are taken away to be marked 191 00:10:26,730 --> 00:10:28,641 And you will be notified of the results by post 192 00:10:28,771 --> 00:10:32,242 So please make sure you write your names clearly on your papers 193 00:10:32,372 --> 00:10:33,802 Christian name and surname 194 00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:36,083 - l cannot do that - Why not? 195 00:10:36,213 --> 00:10:37,323 l am not a Christian 196 00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:41,804 lf you want to be pedantic about it Ranjeet, write your surname and forename 197 00:10:41,734 --> 00:10:44,035 l am not having four names also 198 00:10:45,095 --> 00:10:53,487 The prefix fore in this case is spelt FORE and means first for example "forefinger" 199 00:10:53,858 --> 00:10:58,929 Uno momente! Four finger - one thumb 200 00:11:00,820 --> 00:11:04,170 - No not four fingers - Si, si 201 00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:07,731 One, two, three, four 202 00:11:08,062 --> 00:11:13,133 - This is my forefinger - No, it's only one 203 00:11:15,384 --> 00:11:17,174 l wonder if l should cancel tomorrow 204 00:11:17,304 --> 00:11:18,654 - Por favor? - Never mind 205 00:11:19,105 --> 00:11:21,815 Excuse please 206 00:11:21,745 --> 00:11:27,337 - Yes you can ask your question now Taro - Requesto permission to visit toilet 207 00:11:27,827 --> 00:11:31,018 - Yes of course, sorry - Thank you 208 00:11:36,149 --> 00:11:38,260 Has anybody else got a question? 209 00:11:38,390 --> 00:11:41,501 Yes, after tomollow, will we see you again? 210 00:11:41,631 --> 00:11:44,382 That depends on so many things, whether l'm engaged for another term 211 00:11:44,512 --> 00:11:45,652 Or whether any of you decide 212 00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:48,663 Whatever the results of your exam to come back for a further course 213 00:11:49,113 --> 00:11:53,344 l will give you my address! You can come and see me any time 214 00:11:54,194 --> 00:11:55,985 Quiet, quiet! 215 00:11:56,435 --> 00:11:58,505 Mr. Brown, can you spare a moment please? 216 00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:01,826 Certainly, l suggest you all study your verbs until l return 217 00:12:04,797 --> 00:12:08,388 As you know, another teacher will be taking the exam tomorrow 218 00:12:08,518 --> 00:12:09,548 Yes 219 00:12:09,679 --> 00:12:13,380 The gentleman who used to be the principal of this college will be supervising your class 220 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:16,270 He's in my office now! l thought it might be a good idea if you met him 221 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:19,391 - l'd like to - Do try to make a good impression 222 00:12:19,521 --> 00:12:22,952 lt does no harm if he's favourably disposed towards you 223 00:12:23,762 --> 00:12:25,993 This is our English teacher Mr. Brown 224 00:12:26,883 --> 00:12:29,654 - lt's you - lt's a small world, isn't it? 225 00:12:29,703 --> 00:12:31,173 Silence please! 226 00:12:31,303 --> 00:12:32,774 Exam in progress 227 00:12:34,264 --> 00:12:37,575 Good evening Mr. Cupello! All ready for your examination? 228 00:12:37,705 --> 00:12:40,896 Sure, everything's gonna be "Oki talki" 229 00:12:41,786 --> 00:12:43,217 Buonasera everybody 230 00:12:44,267 --> 00:12:46,618 - Has anybody got a pen? - Yes 231 00:12:46,748 --> 00:12:49,619 - But prease lemember who it berongs to - Sure l will 232 00:12:50,589 --> 00:12:53,099 What are you doing? 233 00:12:53,470 --> 00:12:55,660 l tell you! l just been studying my verbs! 234 00:12:55,790 --> 00:12:58,621 So l'm gonna write them down on my hand so l don't forget 235 00:12:58,751 --> 00:13:02,262 - Typical of western dishonesty - l think it's a good idea 236 00:13:02,832 --> 00:13:05,263 You want to write verb tenses on your hand too? 237 00:13:05,393 --> 00:13:07,774 No, l'm ok on verbs but not good on pronouns 238 00:13:08,194 --> 00:13:10,624 - So write pronouns - No need 239 00:13:10,754 --> 00:13:12,945 l already write them on handkerchief 240 00:13:14,875 --> 00:13:17,146 Smart! 241 00:13:17,636 --> 00:13:19,507 lt is wrong to cheat 242 00:13:19,637 --> 00:13:22,788 - Don't you agree Ali? - Not at all, l am also cheating 243 00:13:23,478 --> 00:13:26,469 You have got something written on your handkerchief? 244 00:13:26,599 --> 00:13:28,229 No, it is in my hat 245 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:33,831 This is terrible! lf you are found out, you will be disqualified 246 00:13:33,961 --> 00:13:36,261 Old japanese philosopher he say 247 00:13:37,882 --> 00:13:40,753 "Man who deals flom bottomo, usually end up on top" 248 00:13:41,923 --> 00:13:46,834 - You as well? - Taro not good on adverbs 249 00:13:47,244 --> 00:13:51,756 So have some written on chair seat 250 00:13:53,486 --> 00:13:56,397 Good evening everyone 251 00:13:56,527 --> 00:13:58,638 Nice to see you all are bright and early 252 00:13:58,768 --> 00:14:00,078 l expect you're feeling a bit nervous 253 00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:02,159 - l am not nervous - Good 254 00:14:02,849 --> 00:14:07,760 - l am putrified - Petrified 255 00:14:08,530 --> 00:14:09,751 Well do your best! 256 00:14:09,891 --> 00:14:12,561 l'm not supposed to be here so l shall be in the pub 257 00:14:12,691 --> 00:14:14,482 - All right? - All right 258 00:14:14,612 --> 00:14:18,313 But if you all call in when you finish your exam, l'll buy you all an end of term drink 259 00:14:19,933 --> 00:14:22,844 - Good luck Taro - Thank you 260 00:14:23,414 --> 00:14:25,795 You must be nervous! That's the first time you haven't stood up and bowed 261 00:14:27,015 --> 00:14:29,366 - Good luck Juan - Muchas gracias 262 00:14:30,216 --> 00:14:33,407 - Good luck Giovanni - Thanks professori 263 00:14:33,977 --> 00:14:35,688 You're not too nervous to shake hands, are you? 264 00:14:35,818 --> 00:14:39,129 - Si l am very nervous - Nonsense, come on 265 00:14:39,259 --> 00:14:42,290 - That didn't hurt, did it? - Not a lot 266 00:14:43,580 --> 00:14:44,560 Ranjeet 267 00:14:44,940 --> 00:14:49,252 - That's funny, where did that ink come from? - Maybe your pen has got a leak 268 00:14:49,862 --> 00:14:53,773 - Let me see your hand Giovanni - There's nothing there professori 269 00:14:53,903 --> 00:14:56,814 - The other one - There's nothing there either 270 00:14:57,424 --> 00:14:59,454 There's something there now, isn't it? 271 00:14:59,584 --> 00:15:03,535 Oh no, my pen is got a leak as well 272 00:15:05,026 --> 00:15:08,647 And l suppose while it was leaking, it just happened to write a few verbs down 273 00:15:09,027 --> 00:15:11,818 Sorry professori, my verbs are a bit bad 274 00:15:11,948 --> 00:15:13,538 l suggest you clean all that off 275 00:15:13,668 --> 00:15:17,099 - l don't seem to have a handkerchief myself - Max has got a hankerchief! 276 00:15:18,310 --> 00:15:23,461 - l got no handkerchief - What's that sticking out of your top pocket? 277 00:15:24,231 --> 00:15:27,222 Oh that, lt's not a proper handkerchief 278 00:15:27,672 --> 00:15:29,303 Maybe Ali's got a proper handkerchief 279 00:15:29,913 --> 00:15:31,703 Let me see that handkerchief Max 280 00:15:35,274 --> 00:15:39,705 - l see, pronouns are your weak point - lt's right 281 00:15:39,875 --> 00:15:41,096 l'll keep this 282 00:15:41,916 --> 00:15:44,267 How many other little tricks have you been up to Ali? 283 00:15:44,397 --> 00:15:46,987 You're very quiet, are you keeping something under your hat? 284 00:15:50,318 --> 00:15:53,509 Blimey, how are you guessing that? 285 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:56,710 l didn't! 286 00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:00,951 While l'm thinking of it, Taro would you like to stand up please? 287 00:16:04,882 --> 00:16:06,153 Very ingenious! 288 00:16:06,803 --> 00:16:13,755 - Now Juan, where's your little crib hidden? - Por favor? 289 00:16:14,965 --> 00:16:18,356 Never mind por favor! l know it's somewhere, it's written all over your face 290 00:16:18,486 --> 00:16:21,597 No, no write on my face 291 00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:24,518 This is no laughing matter 292 00:16:24,648 --> 00:16:28,189 - Come on Juan, where is it? - Under table 293 00:16:34,331 --> 00:16:37,952 - Ranjeet - A thousand apologies 294 00:16:42,773 --> 00:16:47,404 Danielle, Anna, Jamila, Su Lee? 295 00:16:47,534 --> 00:16:50,525 We no cheat! Plefer to pass exam on own melits 296 00:16:50,655 --> 00:16:52,926 l'm grad... glad to hear it 297 00:16:54,256 --> 00:16:57,957 Some last minute coaching Brown? 298 00:16:57,897 --> 00:17:01,328 - No, no l just came in to wish them luck - They're going to need more than luck 299 00:17:01,458 --> 00:17:02,438 Goodbye Mr. Brown 300 00:17:02,578 --> 00:17:05,809 - Listen, l'm sorry about yesterday - Goodbye Mr. Brown 301 00:17:05,939 --> 00:17:08,130 Goodbye! Good luck 302 00:17:10,380 --> 00:17:14,772 Now l want absolute silence during this examination, understand? 303 00:17:14,902 --> 00:17:17,252 - Same again! - Don't you think you've had enough? 304 00:17:17,382 --> 00:17:19,813 How can l have had enough? l'm still standing 305 00:17:19,943 --> 00:17:23,334 - You've been to the loo once - That doen't mean anything 306 00:17:26,825 --> 00:17:28,816 You're making it up 307 00:17:31,306 --> 00:17:33,417 - Hello Sid - Same again, thank you 308 00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:36,938 Half a bitter please Mavis and whatever Sid's drinking 309 00:17:37,388 --> 00:17:39,769 - Sid tells me you're not married - That's right l'm not 310 00:17:39,909 --> 00:17:42,899 - l'm not married as well - Congratulations 311 00:17:43,710 --> 00:17:46,220 - l haven't even got a boyfriend - Really? 312 00:17:46,991 --> 00:17:50,141 - How about you? - l haven't got a boyfriend either 313 00:17:51,072 --> 00:17:52,462 Not a regular one anyway! 314 00:17:52,592 --> 00:17:55,423 Look, have a drink on me alright? These are for you 315 00:17:56,953 --> 00:18:01,425 - There you go Sid! There's your pre-exam - Pre cheer! You learned it, aint you? 316 00:18:01,555 --> 00:18:02,775 - Yeah - Good old chap 317 00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:05,186 - How's your Lil? - She's still living 318 00:18:07,276 --> 00:18:09,027 - You don't mean that - Yeah 319 00:18:08,957 --> 00:18:13,028 You know when l was courting her, l used to worship the ground she walked on 320 00:18:13,478 --> 00:18:16,039 Now l worship the ground that is coming to her 321 00:18:17,479 --> 00:18:20,910 - That's not a very nice thing to say - No, but it's more sincere 322 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,911 - You take my tip son, stay single - l haven't much choice at the moment 323 00:18:25,041 --> 00:18:26,391 l can't afford to get married! 324 00:18:26,521 --> 00:18:28,902 - Still l've got Josephine - Who's Josephine? 325 00:18:29,042 --> 00:18:32,433 - ls that your bit of crumpets? - No my siamese cat 326 00:18:33,964 --> 00:18:39,515 - My students will be all hard at it now - Yeah, there's a lot of it about 327 00:18:41,406 --> 00:18:43,436 l was talking about their exam 328 00:18:43,566 --> 00:18:48,428 - l shall miss them next term - Cheer up son 329 00:18:48,568 --> 00:18:50,868 - What you want is another drink - Yeah, good idea! 330 00:18:51,008 --> 00:18:52,959 Yeah, this time l'll have a pint 331 00:19:08,413 --> 00:19:09,963 A penny for them! 332 00:19:10,414 --> 00:19:12,874 l was just wondering how my students were getting on with their exams 333 00:19:13,294 --> 00:19:15,285 - l expect they'll be all right - l hope so 334 00:19:15,415 --> 00:19:19,036 l won't know what to do with myself now that the term's over in the evenings 335 00:19:18,976 --> 00:19:21,807 lt must get a bit lonely for you living on your own 336 00:19:21,937 --> 00:19:23,647 l don't live on my own exactly! l've got Josephine 337 00:19:24,818 --> 00:19:28,649 Yeah she's marvellous! l don't know what to do without her 338 00:19:28,779 --> 00:19:32,050 She's very affectionate! Every morning she wakes me up by nibbling in my ear 339 00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:33,690 That must be nice for you 340 00:19:33,820 --> 00:19:36,571 - l didn't allow her in the bedroom at first - No? 341 00:19:40,022 --> 00:19:42,172 lt wasn't as clean as she might be 342 00:19:43,423 --> 00:19:44,893 She used to sleep in the bathroom 343 00:19:45,823 --> 00:19:49,934 - That sounds a bit uncomfortable - No, she was quite happy on the floor 344 00:19:50,545 --> 00:19:52,655 She must think a lot of you to put up with that 345 00:19:52,785 --> 00:19:55,376 She does! Every evening when I come back home, she runs up to me 346 00:19:55,506 --> 00:19:57,807 And rubs up all against my leg 347 00:19:58,427 --> 00:19:59,737 How erotic! 348 00:20:00,948 --> 00:20:05,539 - She's Siamese - Oh well that explains it 349 00:20:05,989 --> 00:20:09,820 The trouble is like most Siamese she's inclined to be a bit oversexed 350 00:20:09,950 --> 00:20:13,221 - She sounds it - l'm thinking of having her doctored 351 00:20:14,711 --> 00:20:17,062 And l thought you were such a nice fellow 352 00:20:16,992 --> 00:20:18,502 - Pardon? - Nevermind 353 00:20:18,632 --> 00:20:20,503 - Where is Sid? - He's gone back to the school 354 00:20:20,633 --> 00:20:22,423 That is if he can find his way back 355 00:20:24,994 --> 00:20:28,665 - Sid - Yes Miss Courtney 356 00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:31,906 - You reek of drink - l beg your pardon? 357 00:20:32,316 --> 00:20:34,587 - Drink - lf you insist 358 00:20:35,437 --> 00:20:39,868 - l'll have a drop of your sherry - You had more than enough already 359 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,590 - Have you finished? - Yes please 360 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,551 - How'd you do? - l'm very well! How do you do? 361 00:20:50,441 --> 00:20:53,552 l mean how did you get on with your exams? 362 00:20:53,682 --> 00:20:56,433 We hope we have not let Mr. Brown down 363 00:20:57,963 --> 00:20:59,024 Miss Courtney! 364 00:20:59,364 --> 00:21:02,394 - Would you care for a sherry before you go? - l'd be delighted 365 00:21:04,085 --> 00:21:05,225 Do sit down! 366 00:21:06,446 --> 00:21:11,037 lt takes me back... Here in the old office 367 00:21:11,727 --> 00:21:14,078 l expect you miss the hurly burly of the school life 368 00:21:14,328 --> 00:21:16,888 Yes l sleep nights now 369 00:21:17,689 --> 00:21:19,959 - There we are - Thank you 370 00:21:20,409 --> 00:21:23,950 You know Miss Courtney, l didn't know you indulged 371 00:21:24,090 --> 00:21:26,321 l don't really, just an occasional sherry 372 00:21:29,452 --> 00:21:30,962 Ready for another? 373 00:21:33,053 --> 00:21:35,884 - Everyone got a drink? - Yeah 374 00:21:36,054 --> 00:21:38,925 l just would like to say l wish you all every success 375 00:21:39,055 --> 00:21:41,805 lt's been great teaching you and l shall miss you 376 00:21:42,896 --> 00:21:45,486 You have been giving us much wisdom 377 00:21:46,417 --> 00:21:48,407 l am so sad 378 00:21:50,818 --> 00:21:54,089 - You are a vonderful teacher - Si, si 379 00:21:54,339 --> 00:21:57,330 - We never forget our English teacher - Yes 380 00:22:00,661 --> 00:22:03,571 You are the nicest impe lionist l have met 381 00:22:04,582 --> 00:22:07,332 Professori, lt's been a real pleasure 382 00:22:08,903 --> 00:22:12,014 Si, it won't be the same next time 383 00:22:12,504 --> 00:22:14,414 We owe you big debto 384 00:22:15,145 --> 00:22:16,775 Well cheers! 385 00:22:16,905 --> 00:22:18,656 - Cheers - Good health 386 00:22:21,386 --> 00:22:26,058 - l really must be going! l'm meeting my wife - Just one moment before you go Mr Short 387 00:22:25,988 --> 00:22:28,938 How do you think the foreign students got on with their exams? 388 00:22:29,068 --> 00:22:30,049 Terrible! 389 00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:31,899 How do you think you got on with your exams? 390 00:22:32,029 --> 00:22:33,340 Fantastic! 391 00:22:34,030 --> 00:22:35,940 The answer to the "What is a sentence?" 392 00:22:36,070 --> 00:22:38,371 The chappie in the turban answered 393 00:22:38,511 --> 00:22:41,382 "A sentence is what you get when you are sent to prison" 394 00:22:43,152 --> 00:22:46,383 The questions were being very easy to answer 395 00:22:46,833 --> 00:22:50,064 To the question: "What is the past participle of l write?" 396 00:22:49,994 --> 00:22:54,065 The Spanish fellow answered, "l have wrotten" 397 00:22:55,476 --> 00:22:58,506 l answer everyting OK 398 00:22:59,037 --> 00:23:02,428 The chinese lady was writing backwards 399 00:23:03,118 --> 00:23:06,789 Of course, l don't know how they answered the other questions 400 00:23:06,919 --> 00:23:11,990 But if what l saw is anything to go by, then l shall be very surprised if any of them pass 401 00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:14,391 Goodbye Miss Courtney 402 00:23:14,521 --> 00:23:17,632 l'm very proud of you all! l know you wouldn't let me down! 403 00:23:18,922 --> 00:23:21,593 - Shall we have another drink? - Yes 404 00:23:21,723 --> 00:23:23,954 - Whose round is it? - Yours 405 00:23:28,005 --> 00:23:30,995 Waiter! Oh dear 406 00:23:31,726 --> 00:23:34,236 - What are you doing with my wife? - Nothing, l just... 407 00:23:36,087 --> 00:23:39,358 - You stupid fool - l'm terribly sorry 408 00:23:39,488 --> 00:23:43,439 - Let me buy you both a drink - No, no, no please, please 409 00:23:43,569 --> 00:23:45,950 Have this one on me!